look who is sitting

When my mother had me, I don’t think she thought that much about how things were done differently around the globe. She might have had some knowledge about how things were done in America thanks to the old high school friends she still keeps in touch with, and she might have known about some of the things they do differently in France thanks to my parents’ French friend who had children at the same time as my parents, but other than that I think she was quite satisfied with just bringing up her kids and not really interested in what was done differently in neither the Netherlands nor the nearest town.

For me it is a little different. Thanks to the Internet (or people knowing someone who knows someone who was once somewhere close to this particular country where they do this), I know about maternity leave and traditions when taking care of babies in countries I have never visited. In Cuba, apparently, babies are given solid foods only a few weeks after they are born, in some countries, apparently, babies are not given cow’s milk until they are at least a year old, and in a heartbreakingly high number of countries maternity leave is over before it has even begun and mothers have to stay at home to watch their kids because day care is something they can only dream off. (I have 52 weeks of maternity leave – if I want – and day care is everywhere. In that sense, I feel extremely lucky that I have a choice.)

I don’t really care how other people do things. I think it is funny to see the differences, but I do things according to what I find is right, what I myself have been brought up with, what people I trust tell me to do.

One thing I chose was to not force our daughter to sit before she could do so herself. Not long after G’s birth I was told that it would be better to let her move around as much as she possibly could and to let her find her own way into sitting. I listened, because the people telling me were some of the people I have trusted the most, found the greatest and most honest in giving advice. I can name a handful of people who, had they given me the same advice, would have made me do the exact opposite, but in this case the advice came from the right people and so I chose to follow it.

The first couple of kids I know who are G’s age were sitting (with help) in the autumn. By Christmas I began wondering when my girl would sit. She was trying really hard, but rather than sitting up, she would lie on her side like a ancient Greek dining. And then two weeks ago on a snowy January Friday she suddenly got it right. She was sitting. It took her the weekend to perfect it, but nothing’s been the same since. Our girl is sitting:

(She is also finding emptying the diaper bag the funniest thing ever. I let her. I say no to so many other things (she wants to eat every news paper, every magazine she comes by and she doesn’t seem to understand when I tell her that those are for reading rather than eating), so this is one thing I let her do.)

zzzzzzzzz or the lack of it

I get the sleep thing. I get why keeping people awake or interrupting their sleep is a means of torture. I totally get it.

In the beginning not sleeping was part of having just had a baby. I think that upon giving birth your body creates a bunch of hormones to keep you alive on minimum sleep for a couple of months. But then the hormones left my body and I was alone, but still found myself awake much too often.

For the past month and a half I have been breastfeeding twice every night. I know that lots of people do this, I have friends who are still breastfeeding four times a night, but I had just gotten used to not being up at night. I had gotten used to going to bed, closing my eyes and being woken up by a happy girl around 6am. But just before Christmas she started waking up around midnight and around 4am. In the beginning it was related to her stomach problems and the milk seemed to soothe her and help her get back to sleep, but when the stomach got better, she continued to wake up twice every night for a milk snack. For a week or so in January she would be wide awake at 5am. There was no getting her back to sleep so either J or I got up before the crack of dawn to feed her oatmeal and entertain her. By 7am she was ready for her first nap which would last two-three hours. Those hours I spent showering and sitting on the couch wishing she would sleep just one hour longer in the morning and cut down the waking up at night.

It feels like J and I have spent much of January debating what to do with this waking up at night thing. And because we are sometimes just plain stupid, these discussions have often taken place just after her breastfeeding. In the middle of night is not a good time to discuss these things.

It feels like J and I have spent much of January sleepwalking during the day. The other night we went to bed at 8:15pm because that was when we couldn’t keep our eyes open any more. That’s early – even for us who are early-to-bed-birds already.

G had a minor meltdown last night after she had been put to bed and after she had fallen asleep. I did this and I am not proud of it and let’s not talk more about it. She cried and cried and cried and my tired body that was just about to creep under the covers feared breastfeeding would be the only way to calm her down. Somehow I managed to get her to sleep by my side by humming and kissing, and at 11:40pm I carefully put her back in her own bed and went to sleep. Three hours later I woke up when the news papers arrived and wondered why she hadn’t been up yet. Two hours after that, at 5am, she woke up, drank some milk and went back to sleep.

This means that last night G was only breastfed once (ONCE) and slept until 6am (6AM).

I feel like an actual person today.

the project

I need some sort of challenge. Not that taking care of a seven month old isn’t a challenge, a daily challenge, but still. I need a challenge.

Back in 2008 when other people had been blogging forever and I dipped my toes in the water (my first attempt was in 2007, but I shouldn’t be telling you this, because it doesn’t really make me any less of a late joiner), I made a list of things I wanted to do in 2008. To tell you the truth, a lot of things on that list were good, but I really only wanted one: p**gn***y.

I could do another list of things I want to do in 2010, but the draft I found consisted of things like “dance with my husband at his best friend’s wedding” and I do, I really do, but I have been there (#24) and why make a new list, if all I do is repeat the old one? Why?

Since I have already admitted to being the late joiner, I never got around to doing my list of “100 things to do before I do go” (My typo – “100 things to do before I do” – is way too late for me as I don’t plan on getting married again anytime soon, but feel free to indulge in the project, if you haven’t married yet) when everyone else did it. And I honestly don’t know if I can come up with 100 things. It’s not that I can’t think of a lot of things, I want, it’s just that things like “tasting my way through Champagne” or “go somewhere alone for a week and just shop, visit museums and write” seem pretty hard to find the time for when you have that previously mentioned seven month old and you’re still breastfeeding.

So while I am still dreaming about a week on my own in… what can I come up with? Hmmmm….. this one is difficult, let’s say: New York (Paris is nice – fantastic actually – but since I have already spent four months on my own in that city – shopping, writing and visiting museums – I have decided that from now on I will bring company whenever I go.) (No, I am not lying, and if you ask nicely, I will tell you about it.) FOCUS…..

So while I am still and all that, I need something to do in the meantime (besides taking care of the baby) and this is it:

PROJECT “=!= 2010

(When I googled that to see if other people were doing something similar and I was totally stealing their idea, I got links to Microsoft and to the South African football team preparing for the world cup, so I am moving forward with my project.)

During a Christmas break (well, J’s Christmas break actually, since babies and maternity leaves don’t really care about Christmas breaks and that stuff) that had way too many sleepless nights and way too many days of stomach ache and trying to get the baby to get the solids through her system regularly, I came up with some things I am hoping to do in 2010. And because #1 for instance, is something that I have wanted to do many (read: MANY, MANY, MANY) times before, but have never done, I am writing it here for the world to see (or J, my trusty regular reader – and husband – not to forget) and to remind me in 12 months time if I kind of forgot along the way (as I have had a tendency to in the past…)

PROJECT 2010

1. Follow a running program
2. Build a classic wardrobe (inspiration here)
3. Bake all the bread we eat (just for a month, not the entire year)
4. Knit a sweater for G
5. Sew two pieces of clothing for G and one for myself
6. Host a champagne tasting
7. Host a cake party
8. Arrange a romantic evening (sans G)
9. Make ravioli
10. Complete a short story and let J read it
11. Do a freelance writing assignment
12. Buy myself a piece of jewellery
13. Make sushi
14. Have a piece of clothing tailored for me
15. Make spring rolls
16. Start saving for something (and buy it)
17. Read five classics
18. Read the novel that bears the same name as my daughter
19. Take a day off from work and do things for me and me only
20. Have a family portrait taken (or take one myself)
21. Read Michael Broadbent’s Wine Tasting and use it tasting at least three wines
22. Throw a children’s birthday party for myself when I turn 31
23. Make a crocheted vegetable or fruit for my daughter (like these ones)
24. Learn how to make caffè latte with latte art

(Note: I plan to add as we go along. Not because I fear running out of things to accomplish, but because most of these things come to me at other times than when I am in front of the computer. And if they are good, I am adding them.)

2010

Welcome 2010.

I apologize for my absence in December. I think, I needed a break. I needed time to find out whether this thing was going to enter its third year or not. With yet another round of stomach problems for BOM the past two weeks, I came VERY close to just shutting down and giving up, but I decided that I would give it one more try. After all, I do like this space of mine and the thought of shutting it down was weird.

—

How was your Christmas? And did you enter 2010 a little tipsy from champagne?

Our Christmas was more about stomach aches and sleep deprivation than about the tree, the food and the presents (and baby Jesus, not forgetting), but we had a great New Year’s Eve with friends who are about to cross the Atlantic and who, just like us, needed a quiet evening with good food and good company. And I had a glass of champagne AND a glass of red wine. And though this might seem as “not very much” to you, I haven’t had that much to drink during one dinner since October 2008, so to me this was a big thing.

—

How’s the weather where you are? It’s freezing cold here, but I am keeping warm thanks to my Christmas present from J’s parents. My best present was a leather dress from J, but this one does a better job at keeping me warm (though oddly enough it does nothing to prevent blurry pictures – sorry, but we do after all settle for 7 hours and 10 minutes of day at the moment. You need to work fast if you want to catch a little light).

See you soon. I hope you have some kind of patience with me and feel like stopping by another day to see what I have been up to.

/Drew

2009

This year:

• I saw my belly grow and grow
• J and I welcomed a baby girl
• I found out what sleepless nights really are
• We celebrated our first year of marriage
• I felt what it is like when a baby is kicking inside of you
• We were supposed to go skiing, but got a week in bed with the flu instead
• I turned 30 and celebrated with a glass of (forbidden) champagne – and a belly
• I learned that someone else’s stomach ache can cause you more pain than your own.

This year was very different from any of the 29 others I have gone through. This year has brought laughter and tears like no other one. This year was fantastic and difficult at the same time. This year marked the beginning of a new life and the end of an old one.

This year was 2009.

Happy New Year!

first or last christmas?

It’s December. December. The last month of the year. The crazy month of the year. We’re on day two and I am already freaking out a little about all the things I won’t get around to doing. (J will tell you I do this every year and he is right.) (And every year Christmas is great after all.)

This year is the first Christmas with a baby. Last year she was just a tiny thing swimming around in my stomach. This year she’s here. This means that people can count on presents from stores which will allow me to take the pram with me while shopping. If we have to climb a stairway to get to your favourite store that’s not where we’ll be buying your present.

People keep telling me that it is so exciting with baby’s first Christmas and all and I do get their point, but I don’t see this as baby’s first Christmas, I see this Christmas as my last.

Why?

Baby has to go to sleep early. Baby doesn’t know what a present is. Baby’s parents are going to have to open her presents. Baby might find Christmas tree and carol singing interesting, but she finds the towels in the bathroom interesting. Baby doesn’t know about Baby Jesus yet.

This year is my baby’s first Christmas, but this year is also my last Christmas. It is the last Christmas in a long time where I will be allowed to sit and enjoy my rice pudding and my duck and have a glass of red wine and talk to my husband and my parents without constantly being asked “when will we light the tree?”, “when will I have presents?”, “why do you eat so slow?”

So on the 24th (yep, that 25th thing is a misunderstanding) I will celebrate my baby’s first Christmas. I can’t wait to see her expression when she sees the tree, but I also can’t wait to put her to bed and have a glass of wine, watch her sleep and spend the last Christmas thinking how far I have come and how much is in front of me.

(almost) one month later

I haven’t written in almost a month. This is my first November entry, and in a week November ends. And when November ends, BOM is awfully close to turning six months. Six months. About half of my time, I feel as if I have been a mother forever, but the other half I stare at myself in the mirror and go: “Six months. WTF? It feels as if we have only just left the hospital, like we are still just learning.” I guess the “just learning” thing will be constant from now on, and I guess it will continue for the rest of our lives. For the past 30 years it has been okay to give up after a couple of months – or after a week if it was really that bad, but this time it is for good. And it is fantastic. FANTASTIC!

In a couple of days, maybe even in a couple of hours, I will regret having written that, when BOM won’t eat or sleep or when she – once again – clings to her mother like she is thinking I am about to leave her (according to books it is actually just what she is thinking these days). But right now it feels so right to write it.

We have had a great day today. We were supposed to start swimming when she was three months old, but then we went through a rough phase and I didn’t feel like introducing her to the water, and then we had no one to go with, and then there was another phase and so on and so on. Things kept preventing us from going until today when she was finally introduced to the element which has probably given me the most pleasure in my entire life: Water. And she is not the kind of girl that laughs out loud, but she smiled at me when I blew bubbles in the water, and she let me swim her around in the water without even the faintest sound of being unhappy. And she looked at me with huge blue eyes and I came close to bursting into tears because this is my girl, this is like mother like daughter.

I will grow tired of many things, BOM. You will hate me for not wanting to play the same game over and over with you, but I promise you (and the internet will make me keep my promise): I will take you swimming, at the pool, at the beach. I will let you throw water at me – and I will resist from doing the same to you. And when your daddy is tired of being in the water, I will stay with you for an extra 10 minutes (and maybe even more), because that is how much I love you (and water).

i should be on twitter

Drinking champange and eating brownies. Christening leftovers are great. Cookie up next.

***

Still breastfeeding, but girl’s got to taste champagne sooner or later.

***

BOM now officially has real name, no longer just known as her social security number.

***

We fit 24 adults and 6 children into the apartment this weekend. Should not complain about lack of space.

***

Can’t wait to read the great books we got as gifts to my little girl.

***

Or see her wear the bracelet my dad bought for her in Santiago after walking 600 km.

***

BOM will not take the bottle. Spoonfed the child milk this evening instead.

***

Good thing J will be the one doing it tomorrow while I watch Shakespeare and enjoy my first night off in 20 weeks(!)