making it last
Saturday I was minutes away from going back to bed and lie there until Monday morning. I had no energy and no want to see what Saturday would bring. I was in a lousy mood, feeling once again that life was against me. Taking a shower at the local pool didn’t help (bathroom should be ready in three weeks time). While shaving my legs and washing my hair, I convinced myself that it was indeed a really lousy weekend and that I might as well accept it and just sit down and wait for Monday.
I got home, got the key in the door without screaming, crying, giving up. And just as I was about to do all those things, there was a sunbeam. And I smiled and realised that I’m not alone. Not alone at all.
Energy came back to me. I wrote – for me, for others; I looked at pictures of all the things around me I cherish; I put on Red Hot Chili Peppers, turned it up and danced around; I got the washing done. I made the most of a day that looked so gloomy and grey when it started.
We’ve had a number of bad days recently. My boyfriend is finishing his PhD and don’t be fooled if anyone tells you it’s a piece of cake. It’s not. It leaves not only the one writing but also the people surrounding him deprived of energy. We try to make the most of our evenings. We try to talk about other things, be happy – but we don’t always succeed. Those evenings are difficult and we had a few of them last week.
Saturday would have been yet another one had I not suddenly realised that I believe things will be better. Spring is on its way. The light is coming back. The day is already an hour and 22 minutes longer than it was at its shortest and darkest. Life is not about crossing what you want off a list and waiting to get it. It is about making the most of it as it goes along – some things you get, some you don’t.
These past years have been all about climbing up the adult ladder: buying an apartment together, finishing university, getting the first job, getting the second (because the first was temporary). Somewhere along the line I forgot that the little things count as well – such as sunbeams on a Saturday. I realise it’s just a matter of time before things once again look hopeless, but by writing this, by telling you about it, I hope to make the little things last longer.