what did she have that i didn’t?
I don’t know if it’s a bug or something, but the past three days I’ve had the most horrible mornings at work (I’ve yelled at colleagues, I’ve given up, I’ve taken time outs) and in the afternoon riding my bike home I’d be looking back at what I’d characterise as a good day. I like my job. I wouldn’t want to work somewhere else.
Last week at a seminar I ran into a girl I had classes with at university. It’s been two years since we met last, and it was really fun to talk and catch up. I glanced at her name tag to see where she was working, but I’m short sighted and had to ask.
“I’m working for X,” she said and while hearing her say the company’s name I was hit by an “I applied for that job as well”. She told me how she started applying for jobs in December 2006 (roughly around the same time as me) and how she was lucky to get a job really fast and really liked the job. And all I could think was: What did she have that I didn’t?
I remember this specific job really well. Not because I desperately wanted it. I desperately wanted a job – any job. I remember because the application I wrote was one of the first ones I was really satisfied with. It was one that gave me hope, one that made me think that maybe they’d invite me to an interview. When they didn’t, I wasn’t crushed or anything, because they were really just one among all the others rejecting me. But I remember thinking that it was probably someone with a lot of experience who got the job (it had to be – had they been willing to see inexperienced straight out of university types, they would have called me in, right?) and that was it.
Until last week when I was faced with the person who got the job – and she was someone I knew. She was someone who, just as I was, was straight out of university and with no full time experience. Why did they want to see her and not me?
And the funny part is that while “what did she have that I didn’t?” was repeating in my head, I heard myself telling her about my job and how I really like it, how I enjoy what I do, how I’ve got a job that makes me use almost every corner of my education – and how I wouldn’t want any other job.
Life’s a competition, I know. I didn’t win that job last year, but later I won another – one I really, really wanted. Why can’t that keep me warm and satisfied? Why do I feel the urge to dig out the old application and go through it? At least I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has felt this way.