another month, another journey
We are sitting outside in the garden. The sun is shining. There is an ever constant buzz of female voices. The food is delicious, the water is cold. J is by my side, talking to a relative that’s not ours. It’s my niece’s christening. The church was cold and small. “This is not the church to choose for your marriage if you want a long train,” I whispered to my mother while we sat waiting for the ceremony to begin. If only she knew.
J’s sister came over the night before his birthday. We talked about plans for the summer and about the number of weddings J and I will attend this summer. “It’s so weird,” she said, “I don’t have a single wedding this year.” If only she knew.
My mother tells us my uncle called and offered his tailcoat to J. My dad has one already, my brother has one – and if they didn’t have them already, none of them would fit this one. When we lie in bed at night and talk about it, J smiles at me and asks me if I think my uncle was pushing for a wedding. Most certainly.
J proposed months ago. I hinted it back then. There is no rock and there was no falling down on one knee. He simply just asked me, caught me by surprise. I have a faint memory of not answering him at first, but just hugging and kissing him. I was grateful he didn’t have a big show prepared. If I had ever imagined it, I would have imagined it like this: simple and just the two of us.
June greets us with warm weather, plenty of sun and strawberries as sweet and red as I have dreamt of all winter. I refuse to take the misery, the tears, and the hopelessness of the past week and a half with me. I need this month to bring me smiles and happiness and belief.
I have high hopes that finally telling people we are getting married will help bring just that.