We don’t get out of bed until after 8. I wake up close to 9 and J is lying next to me just looking at me. He smiles and I remember the Swiss mornings we spent together 6 years ago when we hoped, but didn’t know that we’d be together, married and expecting, all these years later.
I try to relax and enjoy the Christmas break. In the beginning it was difficult. I feared I wouldn’t make the most of my days off. I had the days gone by before they had begun. I’m better now. I’m still struck by the absurd fear every now and then, but not as bad as a week ago. I’ve never been good at letting go and just enjoy whatever time I have off. I usually make too many plans, want too much. This year I am trying to do a little everyday so that when the vacation is over I can look back and see an apartment that’s cleaner, a freezer that’s full of things to make work days easier and piles of papers which have been reduced heavily.
We’re enjoying being just the two of us after four days of Christmas with J’s family and a family dinner at my parents’ place. I love the silence that comes after days of food, wine and presents. I love the first evening home when dinner, after days of stuffing yourself, is barely noticeable on your plate. I love making cups of tea whenever I want. I love being back among all the things that are my everyday life.