we could call it braxton hicks
I woke up at 4am because I had to pee. And when I crawled back into bed there was no falling asleep. The baby kicked like never before. Not a kick now and then, but kicking all the time. I dozed off once or twice before getting up, but the activity was overwhelming and though we have had active days before this was something new. It continued all day at work and didn’t slow down until I came home, drank a glass of water, sat down and closed my eyes. At this point I had already decided to take it easy and just relax the rest of Wednesday away.
These past days the Braxton Hicks contractions have set in for real. I have been having one or two a day for a while now, always in the afternoon or evening after long days. But these past days I have been having several a day and at any time. I get up from work to get something from the printer and I feel one. I walk the stairs from the basement to the second floor and I feel one. I am at the checkout counter at the super market and I feel one. I am not worried and I don’t feel a regularity which tells me to worry. But I do see them as a mild warning from my body that I am trying to overcome a little too much for a pregnant woman.
I have next week off. I see it as somewhat of a treat and I have looked forward to it for a long time. I have still to figure out what to do with the week. I have talked to a pregnant friend of mine who’s maternity leave began a week ago about meeting up and today at work I figured I could spent at least some of the week making lists with all the things we need to get hold of and get done in the next couple of months. Crossing off those lists will most likely never happen (not because we won’t get things done, but because it has been some time since these lists of mine actually worked and were looked at after being made), but there is a certain pleasure in the making alone. The main thing, however, the great plan for next week is to relax, to feel the baby, to connect, to spoil my husband in any way my pregnant self can.
Originally I considered going to France with my parents who leave Friday morning, but I have still to tell them I am taking the week off. Part of me really wanted to go, part of me really wanted to soak up the spring sun of southern France and come back with considerably less white arms, but a bigger part feared I would be stuck on the backseat, stuck as my parents’ youngest child going on vacation with them. J and I have gone away with them several times and I have enjoyed it and I wouldn’t mind doing it again, but I can’t go alone. My parents are still my family, but my family perspective has changed. My family is shifting from being my parents to being J and the baby. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. I would think it weird if I kept seeing myself as my parents’ child instead of seeing myself as the mother of our child to come.
I admitted today to a colleague that I work is taking up less and less of my thoughts. Even though it is no secret, I have been very careful not to talk about it at work, but today I did. And it was a relief when my colleague looked at me and told me that it would be weird if it was any other way. Because naturally it has to be that way – regardless of whether you say it out loud or not.