no turning back
I visited a friend of mine yesterday. Her two week old baby boy was too big and too tiny at the same time. He slept through most of my visit and even though I am a little embarrassed to admit it, I was pleased he did. That way his mother could assure me he was the easiest of babies – and assure me she was sure I would get one just like him.
With little under three weeks to go, my thoughts about giving birth and bringing home a tiny infant have changed. I still look forward to it and I still (figuratively) can’t wait, but as the days have begun crossing themselves off and racing towards the finish line, things have just changed. I now worry about what to dress the baby in, I worry about the pram, I worry about being too far away from home (well, I guess I have for a while now). What I mean to say is that I don’t know how to describe the change – it just happened.
Good things come with the change as well. J is looking forward to becoming a father in a way I didn’t imagine possible. And believe me when I say that I never doubted he would make a great father, I never doubted he would be there for me, but the intensity of his support, love and looking forward has still surprised me. (And makes me need to wake him up at 5 am to tell him how much I love him even though he would rather sleep an hour longer than have his wife whisper in his ear.)
On my last day of work in late April, six weeks of maternity leave before my due date seemed like a long time, a really long time. Now half of it has already gone and though it has given me time to prepare, I still have a long way to go. I have swims to take and onesies to wash and episodes of Lost to watch while napping. There is no turning back, but there is still the possibility of making the most of the time until baby comes.