(almost) one month later
I haven’t written in almost a month. This is my first November entry, and in a week November ends. And when November ends, BOM is awfully close to turning six months. Six months. About half of my time, I feel as if I have been a mother forever, but the other half I stare at myself in the mirror and go: “Six months. WTF? It feels as if we have only just left the hospital, like we are still just learning.” I guess the “just learning” thing will be constant from now on, and I guess it will continue for the rest of our lives. For the past 30 years it has been okay to give up after a couple of months – or after a week if it was really that bad, but this time it is for good. And it is fantastic. FANTASTIC!
In a couple of days, maybe even in a couple of hours, I will regret having written that, when BOM won’t eat or sleep or when she – once again – clings to her mother like she is thinking I am about to leave her (according to books it is actually just what she is thinking these days). But right now it feels so right to write it.
We have had a great day today. We were supposed to start swimming when she was three months old, but then we went through a rough phase and I didn’t feel like introducing her to the water, and then we had no one to go with, and then there was another phase and so on and so on. Things kept preventing us from going until today when she was finally introduced to the element which has probably given me the most pleasure in my entire life: Water. And she is not the kind of girl that laughs out loud, but she smiled at me when I blew bubbles in the water, and she let me swim her around in the water without even the faintest sound of being unhappy. And she looked at me with huge blue eyes and I came close to bursting into tears because this is my girl, this is like mother like daughter.
I will grow tired of many things, BOM. You will hate me for not wanting to play the same game over and over with you, but I promise you (and the internet will make me keep my promise): I will take you swimming, at the pool, at the beach. I will let you throw water at me – and I will resist from doing the same to you. And when your daddy is tired of being in the water, I will stay with you for an extra 10 minutes (and maybe even more), because that is how much I love you (and water).