zzzzzzzzz or the lack of it
I get the sleep thing. I get why keeping people awake or interrupting their sleep is a means of torture. I totally get it.
In the beginning not sleeping was part of having just had a baby. I think that upon giving birth your body creates a bunch of hormones to keep you alive on minimum sleep for a couple of months. But then the hormones left my body and I was alone, but still found myself awake much too often.
For the past month and a half I have been breastfeeding twice every night. I know that lots of people do this, I have friends who are still breastfeeding four times a night, but I had just gotten used to not being up at night. I had gotten used to going to bed, closing my eyes and being woken up by a happy girl around 6am. But just before Christmas she started waking up around midnight and around 4am. In the beginning it was related to her stomach problems and the milk seemed to soothe her and help her get back to sleep, but when the stomach got better, she continued to wake up twice every night for a milk snack. For a week or so in January she would be wide awake at 5am. There was no getting her back to sleep so either J or I got up before the crack of dawn to feed her oatmeal and entertain her. By 7am she was ready for her first nap which would last two-three hours. Those hours I spent showering and sitting on the couch wishing she would sleep just one hour longer in the morning and cut down the waking up at night.
It feels like J and I have spent much of January debating what to do with this waking up at night thing. And because we are sometimes just plain stupid, these discussions have often taken place just after her breastfeeding. In the middle of night is not a good time to discuss these things.
It feels like J and I have spent much of January sleepwalking during the day. The other night we went to bed at 8:15pm because that was when we couldn’t keep our eyes open any more. That’s early – even for us who are early-to-bed-birds already.
G had a minor meltdown last night after she had been put to bed and after she had fallen asleep. I did this and I am not proud of it and let’s not talk more about it. She cried and cried and cried and my tired body that was just about to creep under the covers feared breastfeeding would be the only way to calm her down. Somehow I managed to get her to sleep by my side by humming and kissing, and at 11:40pm I carefully put her back in her own bed and went to sleep. Three hours later I woke up when the news papers arrived and wondered why she hadn’t been up yet. Two hours after that, at 5am, she woke up, drank some milk and went back to sleep.
This means that last night G was only breastfed once (ONCE) and slept until 6am (6AM).
I feel like an actual person today.