are you ready for another one?
I wanted to read about separation anxiety and then I wanted to read about 8 months old babies and just when I came to week 4 of month 8 I was met by this:
Isn’t 8 months a little late to be thinking about that I thought to myself. That is until I realised that it did not read “Are you ready for one another?” as I thought, but “Are you ready for another one?”.
Are you ready for another one?
Stares at screen, crosses legs, breathes heavily, looks around frightened.
I want more children. If life permits and all that I want more children, I want to be pregnant again. I don’t want G to be an only child. Not because I think that is wrong and that she will be a better or more content person from having siblings, but because I loved growing up with my brother.
But am I ready?
NO, NO, NO!
There is no discussion. I am not ready. And I honestly don’t think my husband is ready either.
I think about having a second child often. I do. My friends surround me with bellies and babies so of course I think about it. I think about it when G is asleep and I have a couple of hours to myself, I think about it in the morning when she has (hoorah) only been awake once and sleeps until 7am. And truth be told I think about it when in the middle of the night I am suddenly awake because there’s a crying kid in the room and I look at my watch and see that it says 4:30am but the crying kid couldn’t care less because she doesn’t feel like going back to sleep but wants to start the day (or at least be up for an hour and a half and then nap a little). I think about it. My thoughts just aren’t always the same.
I hear people discuss when the best time to have a second child is. Some say the quicker the better because it is easy with kids that are very close in age (and because you get it over with) and some say there has to be at least three years between your kids so that number one has time to be an individual of its own (when number two gets to be an individual, I don’t know). Every time it is: When is the best age for your kid to have a sibling?
Why is it never: When is the best time for you and your husband to have another kid?
Because I think I can answer that question.
For me and my husband the best time to consider trying for a second kid would be when:
- We have slept through enough nights to end the “going to bed at 9pm” phase we are in at the moment
- We have adjusted to being two working parents
- We can afford a house (because if I can escape it I will not have any more children before I am dead sure they can have a room of their own)
- We feel we can be both parents and lovers (frankly, the parents thing is winning this one at the moment)
- I have gotten the hang of a routine that allows me to not only wash my hair and shave my legs occasionally (yes, I am admitting this)
I guess I could come up with more things if I tried, but the point is that I need to get this new life on tracks before I consider another child. By saying that I am not ready for another child, I am not saying that I am dissatisfied with our life. I love it. I love having a child. I love that I am now someone’s mother. I love that J and I are parents, that we have our own family, that this girl is our responsibility and not anyone else’s. But I need to feel we have a routine, I need to feel I am a human being and not just someone’s mother before I consider another child. Ask me in six months and I might giggle and smile and be all “trying? no, no, why would you think that?”. Ask me tomorrow or next week and I might be “when she’s off to boarding school, we can consider”. Or the other way around.
Am I ready for another one?
I didn’t become pregnant at first try – or at second or third. It took awhile. Some people kiss a lot of frogs, I peed on a lots of sticks. I waited and I cried and I wanted nothing else in the world than to become pregnant. I realise that it is the same for other people and that the waiting and all the sorrow that comes with it is one of the reasons why people want to start trying again as quickly as possible. I respect that. For me I need to feel like something more than just G’s mother before I can consider adding to my brood.