Not true, but not false either?
I met a colleague today. We used to work pretty closely together but since all the changes I rarely see him and so today when we were both at the coffee machine at the same time, I asked about his daughter (who is six months younger than our girl) and their upcoming addition. “When is the baby due?” I asked, and my colleague answered “July” and we talked a little bit about maternity and paternity leaves and whether they are paid or not and how long should you stay home with your kid and daycare and…and…and all those things that having babies close in age inevitably bring on. And then he asked:
“What about you? Shouldn’t you be having one more soon?”
I was looking at my shoes when he asked. I didn’t have to look down or look away. I was, thankfully, already there. The question was a stab in the heart, but my reaction faced the floor and I had a couple of seconds to take a deep breath and smile and start the usual answer which goes in the line of this:
“I don’t know. It is just so easy now. She sleeps through the night, she doesn’t wake up at 5am or before anymore, she can entertain herself for shorter periods of time, there is so much freedom”.
Then less than an hour later I was talking to another colleague. She asked how my knitting was going and I answered that I feared my project would have to be for a future grandchild rather than my child because that’s how slow it’s coming along. “Or for a second one…?” she told me smiling and I found myself opening my mouth and repeating what I had said just a little earlier that day.
The thing is that this answer isn’t a lie. Things are easier. Having a girl that doesn’t wake up before 6am (this morning 6:40am) is wonderful. I can shower in the morning – this morning even without turning the television on. She will entertain herself – she sings to herself, she tells and reads herself stories, she can play with duplo without one of us sitting right beside her. The degree of freedom in our household is completely different from what it was just 3 months ago, completely different. It is, all in all, so much easier now.
But the answer isn’t the truth either. Because what I want is not for our days to get easier, I want for my family to grow. I want the girl to have a sister or a brother, I want for us to have more children.
If it is not true, but it isn’t false either what is it then?