a great 2008

– which echoes in 2009 and further on

Are you trying?

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My mother surprised me today when she asked me if we were trying for another baby. Given how discreet she usually is, it came out of the blue. We are after all talking about the woman who never asked whether J and I planned to get married, but just informed me that she and my father would pay for my wedding (my wedding, not our wedding in case I wasn’t planning on marrying J). We were talking about schools and I said something in the lines of “if we have more children” and my mother asked “you want more children?” with the speed of lightning. I didn’t answer yes, instead I said something like “well, I hope she won’t be an only child”. We talked a little more and all of a sudden my mother said “so are you trying now, but without luck?” I keep most personal things to myself so I am quite an expert on making up excuses and putting on an innocent face and that’s exactly what I did. I talked about how easy things were right now and how we were enjoying it after the first year and a half of her life that was rather rough on us, and I think my mother understood. She nodded and I looked at her almost asking her “you’re thinking about my age, aren’t you?” but I didn’t, because that wouldn’t have closed anything, that would have kept the questions coming and the conversation going. I wasn’t interested in that.

If getting pregnant this time proves as difficult as last time, I think I might have to come out in the open. I can only keep lying for so long, but for now I am hoping things will be different and I get to keep our trying a secret. Telling people “yes, we are” feels a little too much like inviting them to come look for themselves, but that’s probably just me.

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Written by Drew

July 7, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Posted in 2011

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